So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
