It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
