well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
