Are we in a gay sports bar?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
