I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
