you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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