i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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