I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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