your parents love me but you hate me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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