I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
