Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
