Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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