Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
