he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
