I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry about my life...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
