i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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