I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
