piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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