the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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