Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
