Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
