Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
