is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
