exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
