Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
