Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
