you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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