the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
