Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
