I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
