I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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