I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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