don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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