So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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