There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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