can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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