She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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