And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
