And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
