don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
