I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We have so much sex to catch up on
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
