If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize