Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
