But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
