just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
