we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
