apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
