FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
