I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
