if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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