And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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