I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
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I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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