3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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