you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
