My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize