They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
