Tell her she can't have a vagina
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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