I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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