I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
