this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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