Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
