**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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