PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
