he shaved USA in his pubs
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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