dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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