i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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