Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
its liver damage thursday
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
