i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
